A Treasury economist decided that he should assess the economic efficiency of the Symphony Orchestra as it is funded from taxes. As it happens when he went to check them out, they were playing "Schubert's Unfinished Symphony". His report observed that for considerable periods the four oboe players were idle. He suggested that the number of players should be reduced and their work more evenly spread over the whole performance.
He noted that all 12 violins were playing identical notes and therefore the number could be reduced and the volume required obtained more cheaply by electronic amplification.
He suggested that the skills effort expended in playing so many demi-semiquavers was excessive and by rounding up all notes to the nearest semi-quaver and employing lower grade performers and trainees, costs could be reduced.
The repetition of a passage with horns when it had already been played by violins formed no useful function and could be eliminated; in fact if all redundant passages were eliminated, the performance could be significantly reduced in time.
"If Schubert had attended to these matters, he probably would have finished his symphony" he said.

Three men in expensive suits arrived at the minister's beehive office and were immediately ushered into the office to give their instructions to the minister. How did the secretary know they were Treasury economists? -- They always go round in threes: one to talk, one to write notes, and the third to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

A group of people including an economistgot shipwrecked and were washed up on a desert island. When they got together to solve their predicament, the economist took charge. His contribution: "Assume we have a boat ...".

Back in the days of the cold war, the US Secretary of State was a guest at Moscow's May Day parade. Wave after wave of machines of destruction rolled by: missiles, tanks, and artillery. A fly past of military aircraft followed. Then came the Red Army in precision formation ... Finally there was a raggle of civilians trudging behind the army. The Secretary turned to his host ... and asked, who were these civilians? 'Those are the economists of our bureaucracy. You have NO idea the damage they can cause!'

Two economists were on a shooting range. They readied their rifles and when the target figure sprung into view, they fired simultaneously. One shot missed by a foot on the left and the other shot missed by a foot on the right. With great whoops of glee, the two clasped each other and cried "GOT HIM!!!!".

This economist and his family were sailing around the pacific in a yacht but unfortunately a storm caught them and they, and their yacht were thrown up on a deserted tropical island. With the wreckage of their yacht they were able to build a shelter hut. The economist got his two children working to collect coconuts and catch fish from the lagoon for food.
One day the economist was counting the shells he used as the accounting system for the work his children were doing. His wife came in great excitement, she has just seen a ship approaching. "We are going to be rescued!" she said. The economist answered "Not now dear, I must get the inflation rate down."

The woman was quite frantic. She had been to doctor after doctor and was none the wiser about her son. She finally took him to a psychiatrist. After a long consultation in private, he came out to tell her the bad news. "Madam," the psychiatrist said, "Your son can never lead a normal life. He has no grasp on reality ...". The mother interrupted "You don't mean? ..." The psychiatrist continued "Yes I'm afraid so. There is nothing for it. Your son will have to become a Treasury economist!".

When God created the universe and everything, She used the principle of duality or complementarity (yin/yang). She made matter and anti-matter, positive and negative charges, and gave electrons up spin and down spin. She made light and dark, land and water, and made humans male and female to complement each other.
But when She made the first economist, She didn't know what to make as a complement, so she just made another economist knowing that they would always disagree with each other.

An experienced neoclassical economist and not-so experienced neoclassical economist are walking down the road. They come across a "doggie doo" lying on the asphalt. Experienced neoclassical economist : "If you eat it I'll give you $20,000!" Not so experienced economist runs his optimisation problem and figures out he is better off eating it so he does and collects money. Continuing along the same road they almost step into yet another "doggie doo". Not-so-experienced economist : "Now, if you eat this "doggie doo" I'll give you $20,000." After evaluating the proposal experienced neoclassical economist eats the "doggie doo" and gets the money. They go on. Not-so-experienced economist starts thinking "Listen, we both have the same amount of money we had before, but we both ate "doggy doos". I don't see us as being better off." Experienced economist : "Well that's true, but you overlooked the fact that we've been involved in $40,000 of trade."

An old man stumbled on the footpath and fell to the ground. People rushed to his aid and helped him up. Others rescued his shopping and put it in a new bag supplied by a concerned shop keeper. A young chap got out of his car and offered a lift home to the old man. An economist was watching. "Bah!", he said, "that could never happen in theory."

Here is a question for you: Sitting round the table with a pile of $50 notes on it were a tooth fairy, an economist who could forecast our economic future, and a school teacher. The lights went out and when the lights came on again, the money was gone. The question is: Who took the money?
Answer: It was the school teacher, the other two are figments of the imagination.

When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the pearly gates. Making conversation, he asked them what were their IQs. The first replied 190. "Wonderful," exclaimed Einstein. "We can discus the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity". The second person answered 150. "Good," said Einstein. "I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace." The third Kiwi mumbled 50. Einstein paused, and then asked, "So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?"

An anthropologist went to a remote island to study the habits of the cannibals who inhabited the island. He discovered that they had a butchers shop where meat was distributed. He discovered a sign that offered Artist's brains for $9 per kg, Philosophers brains for $12 per kg, and Economists brains for $25 per kg. He said to his guide: "My, those economists brains must be very popular!". His guide replied: "Are you kidding? Have you any idea how many economists we have to kill to get a kg of brains?"

One of our CRIs has announced that they are going to start using economists instead of rats in their experiments. The economists in Treasury have protested, but the CRI has presented a paper explaining their justification.
1. Researchers become quite attached to their rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for an economist.
2. Economists breed faster.
3. Economists are much cheaper to care for and the SPCA won't object regardless of the experiment.
4. There are some things that even rats won't do.
However, there is one problem. It is difficult to extrapolate the experimental results to human beings.

We had a nonsense of economists come to the Coromandel for a tramp in the ranges. After a couple of hours they became hopelessly lost. One of them had a compass and a map. He studied the map for some time, consulted his compass, observed the direction of the sun, and sighted the volcanic plugs that stick out of the bush. Finally he said, "Do you see that big pinnacle over there?" The others replied: "Yes we see it.". "Well, according to the map, we are standing on top of it."

An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were arguing about what was God's real profession. The philosopher said, "Well, first and foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live.". "Ridiculous!" said the biologist, "Before that God created man and women and all living things so clearly he was a biologist.". "Wrong," said the architect, "Before that, he created the heavens and the earth. Before the creation there was only complete confusion and chaos!". "Well," said the economist, "where do you think the chaos came from?".

Up in Auckland, this guy went into an antique shop. Browsing around, he came across an exquisite brass rat. He managed to bargain down the price and left the shop thinking, "This is a great gag gift". He headed down to the waterfront to have a look at the maritime museum. Then he heard loud scurrying noises behind him. He looked around and saw that he was being followed by hundreds and thousands of rats. He ran off to the waterfront and threw the brass rat into the harbour. All the rats rushed past him and into the sea where they drowned. So, after breathing a sigh of relief, he went back to the shop and asked the antique dealer "Do you have any brass economists?"

The Department of Consternation have issued new regulations for the hunting of economists.
1. Any person with a valid hunting licence or an IRD tax return may harvest government economists.
2. Taking of economists with gintraps is permitted. The use of money as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of economists with a vehicle is prohibited. If one is accidentally struck, remove the dead economist from the road and proceed to the nearest carwash.
4. It shall be unlawful to shout "research contract" or "I need policy advice" for the purpose of trapping economists.
5. It shall be unlawful to hunt economists within 50 metres of the Beehive and Parliament, or within 100 metres of government buildings, select committee hearings, libraries, brothels, massage parlours, bars, or strip joints.
6. Stuffed or mounted economists must have a Department of Health inspection certificate for tuberculosis and vermin presence.
7. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise as a journalist, drug dealer, pimp, sheep, MP, MP's secretary, policy maker, bookie, tax accountant, tax lawyer, or prostitute for the purpose of hunting economists.
BAG LIMITS: Econometricians-2, Policy analysts-3, Practical economists-0 (extinct), MP economists- 5, Business Roundtable consultants- no limit.

Canada has a political problem with a small radical group of people who refuse to speak English and most cannot understand them. They are called separists. We also have a similar group. They are called economists.

They say that Christopher Columbus was the first economist. When he left to discover America, he did know where he was going. When he got there, he didn't know where he was. When he got back, he didn't know where he had been, and it was all done on taxpayers money.

One day last summer on a back country in Hawke Bay a farmer was using his dogs to direct his sheep down the road to another paddock when a car drove up. The driver wound down his window and said to the farmer: "I'll bet you $100 against one of your sheep, I can tell you the exact number of sheep in the flock." The farmer who has just counted them in the drafting yard agrees to the bet. The man immediately says "896". The farmer was astonished as he was correct. "OK," he said, "I always keep my word, take one." The driver got out of his car, opened the boot, and picked up an animal. "Wait!", cried the farmer, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or quits I can guess your exact occupation." The man agreed, so the farmer said "You are an economist with the Reserve Bank." "That amazing!" responded the man, "You are quite right. How did you work that out?". The farmer said "Put down my dog and I'll tell you."

A gay economist found that he could never keep a job. Economist colleagues made sure he was got rid of. He could not be allowed to disturb their drearyness.

A mathematician, an accountant, and an economist applied for the same job. The interviewer called in the mathematician and asked him what did two plus two equal. The mathematician replied "four". The interviewer asked "four exactly?" The mathematician looked at the interviewer incredulously and said "Yes, four, exactly." When it became the accountants turn and he was asked "What does two plus two equal?", the accountant replied "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average four." Then the interviewer called in the economist and gave him the same question: "What does two plus two equal?". The economist got up, locked the door, pulled down the blinds, then sat down by the interviewer. Then he said: "What do you want it to equal?"

The school teacher asked the pupils what their parents did for a living. "Derek, you be first." Derek stood up and said my mother is a brain surgeon.
"That's good. Now what about you Sandy?"
Sandy stood up and said: "My father is a postman."
"Thank you Sandy." said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Fredrick"?
Fredrick stood up and said: "My father plays a piano in a brothel." The teacher was aghast and paid a visit to Frederick's house to see his father. The teacher demanded an explanation for what his son had said. Frederick's father said: "Actually I'm an economist. Now how can I explain that to a seven year old?"

1. Knowledge is power.
2. Time is money. (Benjamin Franklin)
As engineers know: Power = Work / Time
Substituting: Knowledge = Work / Money
Rearranging: Money = Work / Knowledge
As Knowledge tends to zero, Money tends to infinity. Therefore, the less you know, the more money you make.

The economics professor was discussing the "underlying assumptions" involved in the micro-economic model under study. A student asked "What would economics be without assumptions?". Another student shouted out "Accounting".

There is a way to determine if someone is an economist. You ask the suspect if they know the difference between ignorance and indifference. If the reply is "I don't know and I don't care" you can be pretty sure that its an economist. However you are stuck with the problem of what to do with him.

Have you ever come out of the airport and seen a bloke wandering up and down alongside the taxi-rank? Well that will be an economist looking for a taxi-van that has a rear facing seat so he can have his ride watching where he has been.

A student was taking a class by Milton Friedman at the U of Chicago, and after a late night studying fell asleep in class. This sent Friedman into a little tizzy and he came over and pounded on the table, demanding an answer to a question he had just posed to the class, the student, shaken but now awake said " I'm sorry Professor, I missed the question but the answer is: Increase the money supply."

This woman was told by her doctor that she only had six months to live. He advised her to marry an economist and go to live in Wagga wagga. When she asked if this would be a cure, he said: "No, but the six months will seem so much longer."

Several academics are asked whether all odd numbers are prime:
Mathematician: let's see...3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime and the result follows by induction.
Physicist: let's see...3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is -- experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, ...
Engineer: let's see...3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime...
Computer Scientist: let's see...3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime...
Economist: let's see...2 is prime, 4 is prime, 6 is prime...

Once upon a time, Daddy Economist, Mommy Economist, and a litter of little Economists were in a mountain cabin, sitting in front of a small coal-burning stove to keep warm. Although most people know that when coal burns, it's gone forever, Daddy Economist isn't worried because he was trained -- like a mindless robot -- to believe that when the coal is gone, a substitute will magically appear. So when the coal is gone, he looks around, and his furniture pops into view -- just like magic! So Daddy Economist decides to maximize his utility by breaking up his furniture and burning it in the small stove.
Now the Economists must sit on the floor, but heck, it's better than the alternative: dying. Then one day, SURPRISE!!! All the furniture is nearly gone. But Daddy Economist isn't worried because he believes a substitute will magically appear. So when the furniture is gone, he maximizes his utility by ripping the boards off the walls of his cabin and burning them in the stove to keep warm.
Now the Economists must sit on the floor very close to the stove, but heck, it's better than the alternative: dying. Then one day, SURPRISE!!! The Economists' cabin is completely burnt up. But Daddy Economist was trained not to worry. He decides to maximize his utility by pulling the clothes off his family and burning them in the stove to keep warm.
Now the Economists are forced to stand right next to the stove and constantly turn, but heck, it's better than the alternative: dying. Then in a few hours, SURPRISE!!! All the Economists' clothes have been burnt in the stove. But Daddy Economist isn't worried because he is going to maximize his utility by...

Three economists and three financiers were travelling by train to a conference. They were not flying because they had to pay their fares themselves. At the station the three economists each bought a ticket, while the financiers each put up the money to buy just one ticket. "How are you three going to travel on one ticket?" one economist asked. "Just observe and you will find out." Was the reply. The economists took their seats in the train while the financiers crammed into a toilet cubicle. After the train was on its way, the conductor came around collecting the tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said "Tickets please." The door opened a crack and an arm came out with the one ticket. After the conductor had gone, the economists agreed that it was a smart idea. So after the conference they all go to the station to return home by train. The economists decide that they will try the trick and only buy one ticket. Then they notice that the financiers do not buy any ticket at all. All they would say to the economists questions was "Watch and learn." The three economists cram into one toilet cubicle and the finaciers cram into the other. After the train starts the economists get the knock on the door and are asked for a ticket which one of them hands over through the partly opened door. The financier takes the ticket and retreats to the other cubicle.

There was this economics student who decided that he should learn to ride a bicycle. Since he had just mastered economic equilibrium theory he decided that the first step was to master the problem of sitting on a bicycle in equilibrium.
After a lot of practise, he learnt how to sit on a bicycle without falling over. Then he set out to cycle, moving from one equilibrium state to another using his skills of static equilibrium maintenance. Like economic theories he found that all he ever did was fall over when he tried to move from a static equilibrium to a dynamic state.

The security guard was introducing another guard to his patrol of the treasury building. As they patrolled the basement, he said to the newcomer: "Don't worry about that chap over there. He's an economist. He worked out that his car is most economically efficient when marginal output equals marginal cost and that he discovered is at zero speed, so he just sits there when he wants to go home."

This man was always suffering from headaches so he went to a private hosptial to get a brain transplant. He was offered brains from various professional groups. They got more expensive as the doctor went through the brains on offer. Finally he was offered a Treasury economist's brain which was outlandishly expensive so he asked how could this one be so expensive. The doctor answered saying "It's never been used."

A Chigago economist died in poverty and many local futures traders were asked to donate a fund for a funeral. When the President of the exchange was asked for a dollar he said: "only a buck to bury an economist? Heres is a cheque; go bury a thousand of them!"

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professinal paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy."